Sunday, August 12, 2007

The WADDA diaries

This article seeks to win a regular spot on the Playroom as we take a close look at the world of this night club and the goings on within and in surrounding areas. All comments are welcomed and no doubt some fine stories will be shared.

As an opener I feel it's important to look holistically at what an average night at this “fine” establishment entails- from beginning till end!

Step 1: No true night out would be complete without the customary pre-match. This may consist of a few beers at a bar, a post match sports fines or just downing a good bottle of crackling within the comfortable confines of your home. Either way, the main goal of the situation is to get nicely pissed, send those enquiring SMS's without inhibiting thoughts, and start loosening up (in every sense of the phrase) for the night ahead.

Step 2: Somehow transport needs to be found to the establishment. This consists of finding the most sober person, or the guy who just doesn't give a shit, to get you to the place. Crucial components of this trip are; loud music (usually a good tin roof anthem does the trick), congested back-seat space, and a thorough knowledge of potential road-block sites. Arrival is marked with a quick spray of deo's and one last swig of the booze you brought in your plastic Valpre bottle!

Step 3: Entry must be swift and care free. The WADDA card comes in handy here as it gives a sense of importance, allows us to grab a random to come in with you as your partner (a potential drink-buyer), and saves valuable Jaegie money.

Step 4: Ideally the most pissed oke is the guy with the most money, coz he'll then go to the bar, do his 50 cent impression, flash around the bling bling and order a full round of Jaegies, plus a few more and everyone is on their way. Goal now is obviously- get pissed, score (if u single), try not look too much like a doos on the dance floor, or if you the Guru- just go for it anyway! Most of the night now is about a blur. You talk, you drink, you dance, you drink, you talk, you stumble a little, hug and back slap “mates” that you probably wouldn't even speak to if you were sober, and drink a bit more. All in a good night's WADDA action really. Of course, at least another few SMS's are sent if no luck is apparent on the lady front. But these are just courteous enquiries of course, a true gentleman would always enquire as to the lady's whereabouts- and of course offer her a lift home and 'free' accommodation for the evening!

Step 5: This happens at different times for different people. Leaving time depends on a few variables; are u out of money? Are you too pissed to talk any sense (in which case you always stay), do you have work the next day? Are you Gregg Gray? (be there for lights on time), has your enquiry sms received positive response (down a tequila and leave- it'll help!) or is it now time to go to the roof for winning hour?!

Step 6: Lift home time. Either you driving yourself, in which case you have drunk water for the last hour, which of course means you fine to drive, or you getting a lift with the girlfriend/sms girl/ mate's girlfriend/friend that's a girl (that could change now), or it's a disappointing end and straight to Barcellos/Starlite for the burger that is absolutely essential. Of course you have booked your table for 4 am so it would be rude not to turn up! Hopefully you manage to leave unscathed - without ordering only to find u have no cash, or flirting with another guy's bird, or going and making the burger's yourself (Gregg), or being ill on the floor in front of sms girl (sure to guarantee being dropped off at your own house). Then all that is left is to make it home without feeling too ill- unless like an esteemed individual of repute, you puke all over yourself and this writer’s car- down a good litre of water, and settle down to bed for that final session. This could range from a productive one, to one that involves sending another few crucial sms's to girls that really should have 'made a better effort to see you', or that 'you don't mind coming to fetch now quickly'.

This is just only an average Monday night of course- so please add some stories and stay tuned for the weekly update by any one of our correspondents or our resident residents Kichelle Daretti and Mim Bavel.

Send stories to Comments are welcome too!

Thomas Vaughan

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