Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Common Spectacular Round Up

Blustery conditions met the competitors yesterday evening when they assembled at the start line of the Rondebosch Common Spectacular. There was an air of tension amid the competitors prior to the start, each sizing up the other readying themselves to do battle on the 5km course ahead. A 100 strong field took to the start line and the gun went off and it was on!!

Chukka Charts strode out to the front with Kenyan like simplicity and looked as if he was in a defiant mood. He was followed closely by the bunch who kept him in their sights. He led at the 1km mark posting a 3:50 first km. It was then he turned down the hospital mile and powered through the biting gale with Great Dayne tucked in just behind and Elley, Donkey and Beef Jordaan grouped in a couple of lengths back. It was clear that the wind and the brisk start was beginning to take its toll on the Irish folk singer and he began to tire towards the end of Hospital Mile. Great Dayne took over the front running momentarily around the 2km mark, but Elley made a decisive move just after the 2km marker, the years and injuries seeming to melt away with every step. He opened up a 20s lead at the half way mark going through at 9:42.

Travelling support in the form of the Scotsman arrived, despatching drinks to the competitors and offering wise words of encouragement as a few of the competitors started to tire. Elley had kept his lead along the Rustenburg side and hit hospital mile for the last time with his 20s lead still intact and looking in fine form to take the Common Spectacular (as it was renamed) for the second time in a row. Chasing him were the Great Dayne, a few lengths further back were Beefy and Chukka who had now fallen well off the pace with that uncharacteristic schoolboy error in the first km, with Donkey a few paces further back.

But road running is a funny old sport, just when Elley looked to have it all but sewn up, he began to show signs of fatigue, as Hospital Mile began to take its toll. This left the door open for Allenbrook who was now gaining ground on Elley with the help of his Ethiopian pacemaker, Elias.
By the time they rounded the corner and headed into the final straight, Elley and Allenbrook were neck and neck. It would all be down to the last 300m with the Scotsman providing a full running commentary from the safety of his bike. Allenbrook was the first to break 250m out, he strode out hoping Elley would lose touch, but this was to no avail as Elley remained in tow and the move was squashed. Elley then made the decisive break 150m from home and it was one that was not followed by a shattered Allenbrook. He sprinted away to claim his second victory in a row in a winning time of 20:02, beating Allenbrook into 2nd by 10s.

The Results were as follows:
1) Jason Elley 20:02
2) Dayne Allenbrook 20:12
3) Michael Charton 21:30
4) Bernaard Jordaan 21:35
5) Graham Barrett 22:30

It must be mentioned that Neil Quayle was nowhere to be seen. After all the media hype and big talking, the veteran of 26 comrades marathons and 32 2oceans Marathons was a notable absence in the strong field. In his press conference he gave a Shabir Shaik'esque performance and revealed that his health had deteriorated to such an extent that he was unable to get any revolutions on the ball in the nets. "I cant even get Gio Colussi out" were his words. He even went on to hint that it was affecting his performance in the bedroom, but these rumours are as of yet unconfirmed.
All the competitors were irate at the fact that Quayle had pulled out and many were calling for a life ban calling his behaviour "disgraceful" and "uncouth". The Nadoes Running Association have the matter under review and a decision is expected later in the week. Tom Dawson-Squibb was also not in attendance which was a pity because many were looking forward to the battle between him and Barrett. The recently engaged, stick like father of 2 was unavailable for comment on his non-arrival.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Perfect Market Conditions (PMC)

It was a hectique weekend for all concerned. The stormers were crap, SA Cricket was even worse, and I'm sun burnt. Well not too badly actually, just a bit rosy around the cheeks, but its slightly uncomfortable, but more about that later.

I'm feeling a little bleak this morning. Nothing I can put my finger on, just a general feeling of uneasiness. You know, that minge feeling you have when you are LC'ing about not studying for a test or you have to face your mates after scoring a fat bird. Don't get me wrong, I don't reeeeaaaly have anything serious to complain about, ill prob just file this under a Monday morning moan(alliteration, nice).

I rarely get very bleak at work to spite what most may think. Its really not that bad. But something that tweaks me to no end is office politics. Its painful. Often you want to tell a brain dead co-worker/boss to F@#k off and get laid, but alas, that would get you fired. Its unfair really, can you imagine how cool the office environment would be if you were free to say what you pleased? Ill call this unlikely phenomenon Perfect Market Conditions or PMC as it will come to be known. It would be a wildly entertaining place! Imagine, the following scenario:

Boss: "Chuck have you finished that report I asked you to do, you know, the one for the important client I left on your desk at 5pm on Friday?"

Current Reply:
Chuck"No Sir, I was busy finishing my clients performance stats, ill get it done right away for you."

Reply under Perfect Market Conditions (PMC)
Chuck:"Well, I left early on Friday so I could get 18 holes of golf in before I got smashed and had a threesome with your wife and a Russian stripper. So that's a resounding NO to your query you irritating man. PS Tell your wife I need my handcuffs back."

Can you imagine? Wow it would make work a massive vibe!! pleasant...

Anubis Safety

Thursday, March 5, 2009

F@#K You im an Anteater

This had me in stiches...

Elley Fighting Fit

Jason Elley recorded his first win of the 2009 running season with a well timed burst 100m from home to clinch the season opening leg of the Common Cup in difficult conditions in Rondebosch Yesterday.

Elley flew past a tiring Allenbrook who had led for the entire race to a winning time of 20:12, 12s ahead of his rival. THere had been reports circulating about the mental stability of Elley and some questions asked about his fitness.

But the veteran showed no signs of the injury that kept him out for most of last year and put in a solid performance. "It wasn't a sub 20min run, but in the conditions I was happy with it. Its nice to get back out there, to mix it up again. I am very happy with my training and am confident I will be able to go Under 90 min in the Oceans." a visibly jubilant Elley remarked.

There were a few who were notable by their absence, Quayle, Dawson-Squibb, Barrett, Charton and van den Berg were a few that were missing.

The bar has been set. Elley has blown the field away and left the competitors eating their words. He later had this to say at his Press conference from forries: "Quayle is a has been. Ill run him off his feet. Im looking to thrash him next week in the time trial. I dare you to come beat me on my turf."


Singapore Harbour

This is a photo of Singapore Harbour. All the ships are lying unused because there is no use for them in the current financial situation. Sucks to be you...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Elley Past It?

It has been rumoured that once-fit Cape Town runner Jason Elley is thinking of competing in the 2Oceans Half Marathon this year. It is reported that he is in a general state of dissarray ath the moment, this being compounded by his resounding loss in the Cojones Squash Match last Night in Rondebosch.

Many of the fans are calling for him to retire from the sport of professional road running, stating that he is past it and a sub 90 time is well out of his reach. He underwent surgery on a troubled foot late last year but all reports suggest that he had a satisfactory recovery and that this should not interfere in any way with his ability to run.

Some of his rivals were interviewed and were unanimous in their views of the fallen runner. "He has no chance of beating me, I'll leave him in my dust." said Neil Quayle, while Barratt had this to say, "Jason Elley is a JOKE! He is past it. Dont irritate me with questions about that fool."

So, now the only question remains is, Will Jason Elley silence his critics and attempt to regain some pride? Or will he sulk away from the challenge and remain lost to the running world.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Rozzels is a Rockstar

It's been quite a big fortnight for FNB UCT flyhalf Matt Rosslee. In between picking up successive Man of the Match awards in the FNB Varsity Cup presented by Steinhoff International, the gutsy No.10 also celebrated his birthday.
Rosslee turned 22 this past Tuesday, just a day after he nonchalantly 'chipped' over a 35-metre penalty goal in the wet to hand UCT a thrilling 24-22 victory over the (then) table-topping FNB Tukkies.

The unassuming No.10 walked off with the official Man of the Match honours - much to his teammates' delight! - but for him, the win was more important for the team than any role he played in achieving the victory.

"The guys have been pestering me to buy them a few drinks," chuckled Rosslee. "But to be honest, it's not about me winning any awards, it's about the team winning games and we achieved that on Monday, despite not playing very well."The Ikey Tigers went down 0-13 in the first half against Tukkies - "we were half asleep", according to Rosslee - but the Capetonians showed tremendous character to fight back and eventually grab a late, but crucial victory."Winning (a game) like we did on Monday is the sign of a good side," said Rosslee to

"I think we're growing as a team each and every week, but the best thing about this side is its spirit and camaraderie - we just love playing together and for each other."There was a lot of talk before the 2009 Varsity Cup about this UCT team. Aside from the big names on its coaching staff, many wondered whether the Ikeys would be able to repeat their near-success of 2008 when they thrilled friend and foe alike en route to the final.With the likes of Kyle Brown (SA Sevens) and Mat Turner (England Sevens) moving onto pastures anew, and with Herbie Mayosi (Forward of the Tournament) and James Martin (Back of the Tournament) no longer eligible for the Varsity Cup (due to being too old), questions were asked... and promptly answered.

"I think, in the beginning, people were comparing us to last year's team," admitted Rosslee, himself a star of the 2008 UCT outfit. "But that's stopped now. We're a new team, with new players and we have a chance to make a name for ourselves in the 2009 Varsity Cup."Of course, having the likes of Jake White, Bob Skinstad, Tim Noakes and Sherryle Calder alongside John Dobson (head coach), Robbie Fleck (backline coach) and Selborne Boome (lineout coach) on the UCT management also makes life a bit easier for the Men in Blue and White."It's such a professional set-up at the club," enthused Rosslee.

"It's obviously an honour to learn from people like Jake, Bob and Sherryle - all of whom are World Cup winners - but it's quite inspiring for us players when we know that they're putting in all this time and effort simply for the love of the game."

On a personal level, the 2009 Varsity Cup is shaping up as yet another satisfactory campaign for Matt Rosslee. Having scored 82 points in 2008 - ending second on the overall points-scoring charts - he is currently in third position after four matches in 2009, having notched up 45 points; just five behind the top man, Maties' Donald Stevens.

The mere mention of Maties brings us onto UCT's opening day loss to the defending champions.The Ikeys went down 10-12 in a titanic struggle, with Rosslee missing five shots at goal. The UCT man, however, takes a philosophical view - as he did when questioned about slotting the match-winning effort on Monday night and, indeed, in last year's dramatic semifinal win over Pukke.

"For me it's not about winning or losing matches, I set high standards for myself and it was disappointing to have missed those kicks against Stellenbosch (from that point of view)," he said."There's no point beating yourself up when you miss crucial kicks, but at the same time, there's no point in getting ahead of yourself when you kick the winning kick.

"It's funny though, I thought my general performance against the Maties was my best game of the season, yet I won the Match of the Match against UJ and Tukkies because I kicked well at goal!"

But his goal-kicking and UCT's well-being aside, Rosslee has another battle to conquer in 2009 - his studies. In fact, having played the odd Currie Cup match for WP last year, his major ambition for this year is to complete his studies at UCT.

"I'm doing my finance honours," said Rosslee, "it's my last year of studies, so I have to make sure I get that out the way.

"Winning the Varsity Cup would obviously be a huge thing, but in terms of the rest of the year, I need to concentrate on my studies.

"If I don't make it back into the WP mix this year, there is always 2010, but I can't afford to neglect my studies."

Niiiice. Keep it up bro!! The blowjobs must be flowing like water down the nile!!

Friday, February 13, 2009

Isolation is over, Lets Party like is 1994

THIS JUST IN: It appears the Playroom is back up and running. It would appear that the long and unanticipated period of silence from the former gossip powerhouse is finally over. Many speculated as to why the abrupt ending to the witty and lively banter came about.

Some said they had touched on a story with such far reaching implications if published that they were 'silenced' by the implicated parties. Some say that the head writer was struck down with syphillis. Others speculated that one writer had been snapped up by idols after Gareth Cliff saw him singing into a beer bottle at Tin Roof while another writer had been rumoured to have been struck by lightning, igniting his steel spine killing him instantly.

But all the speculating is sure to be put to rest in the not too distant future as the inhouse writers once again assemble themselves to carry on from where they had left off. Like a pheonix rising from the ashes, The Playroom will look to bulid its once proud reputation of Cape Town's no1 source of information.

The team has spread itself over South Africa as to get the greatest posible scope for all stories. They will reportedly be introducing a Johannesburg writer and thus will keep the public up to date with all happenenings bizarre and wonderful from the city of Gold.

Watch this space kids, its sure to get hectique. We await their much anticipated return with bated breath. Or until something better comes along.