Monday, June 30, 2008

How to make the Perfect Sandwich

Something I am passionate about is eating. Now, a favourite of mine is the Sandwich. It is said to have been created by the Earl of Sandwich in the early 1400's when he asked his cook to place some meat in between two pieces of bread and voila, the Sandwich was born. Ill take you step by step through the process to ensure you understand fully.


The Bread: Two pieces of the finest white bread with golden brown crust is best.
The Meat: Skewered seal pup meat will be used here, i'm assured its good eating, but im not yet a believer. Also make sure to watch out for the steel skewer in the meat
The Spice: To give the siff meat some vibe, otherwise it is dull and lifeless.


Now, you will have to marinade the meat in spice for as long as possible. Possibly forever. Then throw some spice on the bread so that the bread feels the vibe to. Then you place the meat in between the pieces of bread, and put some more spice on top to garnish and keep things interesting. Below you have the finished product. Bon Apetit

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Story telling.

What makes a good story?

What separates the good from the mediocre?

Could it be that the story teller has the freedom to say whatever he or she pleases. Whether to base the story on fact or fiction. Here on the playroom this gets abused.

Who the story is about is also key. When the author writes about other people it makes for better reading if it's based on fiction. If, however, the author decides to write about himself he uses fiction only to sugar coat the story, otherwise it's driven by fact.

Another very powerful tool is omission. It would be silly to write an embarrassing story about yourself and omission is therefor a very necessary tool. It becomes useless, though, if what you're leaving out is known by others. Hence this article...

What Jake failed to mention in his article titled 'post match' is the reason he was removed from his weekend home. In fact he sidestepped it altogether. I know you're all wondering why he got asked to leave, not for the first time I might add. Well kids it's quite simple. In fact I think he put it at no.1 on his 'how to get kicked out a nightclub' list.

I found this list and present you a snippet that features entries from other well known players:

How to get kicked out a nightclub by the greatness:

3. Score the DJ's girlfriend right in front on the DJ booth. (the name)
2. Sneak up behind the bouncer and pop a balloon right in his face. (spin jizzard)
1. Take off your jeans (and boxers) and flash everyone on the dance floor, then play with it as the bouncer approaches. (the great himself)

I mentioned earlier something about the author's ability to use fiction as and when he pleases. I wish I could say I've used this tool today but I'm afraid to say folks, I haven't.

Let this be a lesson to you kids out there. This behavior isn't cool. It's embarrassing. Grow up.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Post Match

This was the scene that awaited me when I finaly arrived at home this morning. Kids got festive. I think people over indulged a little. Things definately were not hekped by the peoples bare tender, ohh-ahh van Breda who was issuing drinks left right and centre. Thnak you, but it was naughty.

It kicked off something terrible. Cape Towns Biggest Boozer was in fine form as usual. My Wadda night was rather abruptly and rather unjustifibly ended by Maurice (or some other Xenophia-esque jimmy), from there were slid on over to tiger, where i might have seen Satan, but cant be sure. Actually, I cant be sure of much. All I have is pieces. Little bits from here and there. Not much, just a few, some good, some not so. We then made the move to Starlight Diner (see xenophobia article) where we were unfortunately met by an absolute prick of a human in the form of a famous rugby players brother. Let's call this oxygen theif Skinny Bob. Im not going to go into it, but I dont get stressed to quickly and generally keep my temper under control. But this muppet pushed my patience to the limits. Anyway, despite this, we managed to enjoy our chips and Farmgirl tomato sauce. Very Budget. What an evening, and a thank you to all involved.

Friday, June 27, 2008

The Perfect Pre-Match and its Players

I look forward with optimism into this weekend. Its starting with pre-match, as it so often does. I am fine with that. In fact its to my liking. Mates coming together to enjoy themselves. Nothing wrong. A corner stone of society so to say, a pastime of sorts.

The Perfect Pre-Match

Like anything in life you have to start with your goals in mind. Thus all the planning must lead you on a series of steps to ultimately reaching your goals. And here kids our goal, lets be honest, is to come right. Or if you are Keric, be the most boozed oke there. The goal itself is immaterial, it is the planning for reaching said goal that is of the utmost importance, and this is set up all too aften by the PreMatch, or PM as it will now be referred to.

The perfect PM can take many different forms, my personal favourite, involves a bottle of cane, a pack of cards and a few mates, birds optional(at this point in the evening). A point I cant stress enough, is that it CANNOT be a rushed affair. I have seen far too many inexperienced school-boy-like campaigners make this fatal mistake. As a rule of thumb, 4 hours minimum. I can sense a few of you raising your eyes, but, its a proven fact. Slow release boozing, much like slow release energy, is the best way to go. It allows the body time to adjust to its altered state of awareness.

An important element to the night is "The CEO" He is the one who oversees the evening and makes sure everyone is on a similar level of boozedness. This is however not a trditional seat of power like the fines chair or anything like that, it is unknown to the other competitors. It is a thnkless task that a few perform to ensure a good night. A CEO has many tools at his disposal to 'hurry competitors along, or 'slow' them down a bit. The drinking games are a perfect example of this, shots have the desitred effect on hurring those slow competitors up a bit, the more competent the CEO, the better his Arsenal.

Problems come in when the CEO loses control himself, this could end in disaster for the crowd and ultimately result in a failed PM. Thus a CEO must keep his composure at all times.

Once out on the town, the CEO leaves his kids to their own devices, much like a mother bird letting its chicks fly away for the first time. He feels that warm sense of pride when they spade drunk bitches. Its good. He has succeeded. He then enjoys himself out. He has earned it.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The best ad war in recent memory...

1. BMW started this advertisement.
2. Audi replied.
3. Subaru needed to say something.
4. Bentley Chairman had the 'last word'.

Brilliant. Top Chat

Monday, June 23, 2008

Barca Count Down: 11 days

The Gloves are Off

In lieu of recent events and articles, the gloves have been well and truly taken off and battle lines have been drawn. There is a certain amount of collusion going on in the playroom ranks and this has been noted. Ok, Ladies and Gentlemen, this might get ugly, Kids avert your eyes.

Playroom Playmates Top Table

Of course......

Mentioned this game a month or so ago and urged you guys to join.  Well maybe you shouldn't have seeing as though you would have got cleaned up by the Playroom Playmates.  Mark 'gives it that Italiano feel' Riva, manager of Riviera is learning the hard way.  He is however within touching distance of the clear leader (1 point can be the difference between passing your drivers licence or not) who is managed by one of the market leaders in online sports management/tipping games.

This picture came out worse than my brothers ipod when it went for a swim in the washing machine, but I think you can just make out what's happening.Blackout Rugby 

It's going to be a tight finish to this pool but one feels that it could all boil down to one very important game, when the Playroom Playmates take on Riviera at Camelot (home of the playmates).  In their first encounter earlier in the year Riviera made full use of their home ground advantage to edge out the Playmates 34-27.

GET INVOLVED KIDS....  Season 3 starts pretty soon, but the sooner you start the better! 

Throw stones...

If you live in a glass house sooner or later someone is going to throw stones at you so why not beat them to it? Better yet give your stones to someone who doesn't live in a glass house and let him throw them for you!

Tiny broken pieces of stone don't count. They don't grow.

After receiving a tiny broken piece of stone the other day I did a bit of investigating....

I followed the smoke to a place in Claremont and met up with the man himself. It wasn't easy understanding him as he'd been boozing the whole day so at first I thought he was ignoring my questions and just singing along to the music. After a while though I realized that the song he was singing was different to the one playing. I thought this was rather strange so I listened a little closer and noted a few keywords in the song. After a little search on Google I learned that the song is a classic by Elton John. It goes like this:

Hey Nikita is it cold

In your little corner of the world
You could roll around the globe
And never find a warmer soul to know

Oh I saw you by the wall

Ten of your tin soldiers in a row
With eyes that looked like ice on fire
The human heart a captive in the snow

Oh Nikita You will never know anything about my home

I'll never know how good it feels to hold you
Nikita I need you so
Oh Nikita is the other side of any given line in time
Counting ten tin soldiers in a row
Oh no, Nikita you'll never know

Do you ever dream of me

Do you ever see the letters that I write
When you look up through the wire
Nikita do you count the stars at night

And if there comes a time

Guns and gates no longer hold you in
And if you're free to make a choice
Just look towards the west and find a friend

Obviously he didn't know all the lyrics so he was just singing the same lines over and over with his eyes closed and head tilted back... "I'll never know how good it feels to hold you... Nikita I need you so".

There must be a reason for this strange behavior so if you have any information on this mysterious incident don't hesitate to write to the playroom. If you decide that the 'glass house' you live in is worth too much to put at risk, don't hesitate to pass on those precious 'stones'...


Sunday, June 22, 2008

Beavers eat their Young

Beavers: Dangerous, they attack the young.

Section 16(b) iii of the constitution of The Republic of South Africa clearly states the age for a minor to be legally 'interfered' with is 16. Now this would not normally pose a problem for people my age. But, alas, a recently single member of the Cape Town scene seeked clarification on this issue over the weekend. This Article is from the Sunday Argus:

It was alledged that an unnamed man met and made friends with a rather young Gr11 pupil at the popular night club WADDA in Claremont on Saturday Night. Partygoers looked on in amazement when this still unidentified man proceeded to attack this young girl, who could have been his daughter, or at best a younger sister. It is not clear at this stahge what prompted the attack, but our reporters will get to the bottom of the story. If you have any information pertaining tho this event or you know the perportrator please call PASYG (People Against Slaying Young Girls) 0800-455-4545

Applying the innocent bystander test a reasonable person would be led to believe that if she was in the club, she was 18. At least that should be his argument in court, but at WADDA we all know better dont we. Shame on you man, its like fishing with dynamite. Be careful kids, it's a Jungle out there.

My New Girlfriend

Hi, I would like you to meet her. Gregg, leave her alone.

Dont throw Stones...

Sayings. Used to convey a point in a funny nature. Awesome when one fits into the situation, and you can bust it out. Like this one, Dont throw stones if you live in a glass house. People go hard at others, i'm fine with that. In fact, I encourage it. But, if you cant take the heat get out of the kitchen, another one, T-R-E-medous, so, you must be able to take it if you dish it out. Thats all. Im just puttng it out there. Use it dont use it. In the words of Brick Top in Snatch "You wont think its so funny when you are putting out the flames on your childrens' backs". Hard hitting stuff.
Im off for some sushi...

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Refer to Post Below......

Lets just say that based on some stories I heard at Rondebosch Bishops this morning I think some people will be a little more worried about kids with high school girls than others.  I won't mention any names, but the standard 1 term that was often used, "He who smelt it, dealt it" comes to mind....

Also heard this guy described as quote unquote, "prolific".....

P.S.  The facts of this story have not been confirmed.

P.P.S.  Except of course the part about "prolific"


Friday, June 20, 2008

Your Worst Nightmare...

Officials in the US state of Massachusetts are investigating how 17 teenage girls from the same school have become pregnant.

The number is four times as high as the year before at Gloucester High School.
There are reports that some of the girls - none of whom is older than 16 - entered into a pact to have their babies together.

The girls or their families have so far made no comment. Officials are also investigating the age of the fathers. Some are believed to be in their twenties and could face the possibility of being charged with having sex with minors.


When students at Gloucester High School broke up for the summer, officials, parents and the whole community had to face up to a shocking statistic.

Seventeen teenage pupils had walked out of the school gates pregnant.
More disturbing is that some of the schools own staff believe that this was no accident.
Local officials say that nearly half of the girls had entered into a bizarre pact to have their babies together.

The school principle says that several students returned multiple times to take pregnancy tests and some appeared upset when they found out they were not pregnant.
The school - which has 1,200 students - carried out 150 pregnancy tests in the past year alone.

Jesus Wept, makes you think. You could walk into that moving truck!! Jimmy heard the combine Harvester, Jonny saw the combine harvester, and Jamie didn't know what the F#ck hit him!!


Thursday, June 19, 2008

HARSH!!!!!!!!! But Fair.......

You know the hand signals by now.....


Not just the picture but the whole post.....  Jeepers Dayne (is that what we call you these days?) you've changed!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Whats the worst that could Happen???

Ill tell you. What is the worst thing you could do in your job to risk getting fired? Ok, there are maybe a few worse, Banging your bosses wife and declaring your undying devotion to apartheid would probably be a little worse, but this is up there.

You have all come across those motivational posters that are doing the rounds via email. Well, if you havent here is a little taster:

And they get progressively worse. Well, instead of sending a hearty batch of these to my mailing list, I made the unfortunate mistake of sending them to my entire client and trustee lists. The look on my face when I found out...probably priceless. But as you can imagine, I didnt see the funny side. I still dont really. I could be fired and just not know it yet. So, this could be my last post as a gainfully employed individual. What made it worse was that a few clients replied with angry mails. So, I as I lie here in wait I think of you knee deep in tofu (Bio-Dome)(The Movie?)(Bud and Doyle)(Still Nothing?)(Fu#K You then).

I blame this whole episode wholly on boozing. It might have been a sneaky Thur Night at Tiger that put me in such a forgetful mood. But thats another story. Some just never learn. Some do.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Seal Clubbing

Seal Clubbers are probably the most ruthless of people ever to have walked the earth. There is one Seal Clubber in particular who has been patrolling the Cape Town shores clubbing at will. He is known as the Seal Clubbing King. What makes the King so dangerous is that instead of using a cumbersome wooden club, he uses a state of the art Titanium clubbing pole that is much lighter and deadlier. So big is his love for seal clubbing, that he had the club surgically inserted into his spine, so that he may remove it and attack at a moments notice. He is a wiley foe and usually operates around the Oblivion and Tin Roof Shores and has even been known to venture up as far north as Tiger Tiger Bay. He has taken many scalps over the years such as:

He was last seen at Tin Roof Cove attempting to take on this Whale (below), a dangerous task for even the most experienced of Seal Clubbers. It looks as if he has attempted the impossible and he hasn't been heard from since. It is not known whether he survived, or perished in his quest. He is now in hiding, or dead and that will be the end Of the Great Seal Clubbing King. Now his ghost wheels the Barrow through streets broad and Narrow...

Friday, June 13, 2008


Tiger Stamps....

I'm apologising for my syntax in advance. I am fuzzy at the moment.

Again...another problem that most of you probably don't have to deal with... but when you fall asleep in the shower and arrive an hour late for work, blaming the bloody traffic, this fact helps you out. Have you ever noticed that the tiger stamps are UV. Thus, they do not make an ugly tag down your arm like many of the other fine establishments in the greater Cape Town area. Perfect for when you have to explain your way out of a tight spot. Tiger I salute you. You ARE ideas men!!

My eyes are sore, I cannot see...

Monday, June 9, 2008

Great Dane on the loose.

The Great Dane - Running free.

A 3-year old (22 in dog years) Great Dane escaped from a kennel in Constantia recently after its owner accidentally left the gates open. The Dane has been on the rampage ever since, being spotted all around the Western Cape region.

Our in-house writers are on the case and spoke earlier to a member from the SPCA. The interview went a little something like this:

Playroom (P): Thanks very much for meeting with us today Ms SPCA lady. What a lovely necklace that is. Is that your name on it?

SPCA lady (S): Why yes it is my name, a gift from my man. And it’s a pleasure. Anything I can do to help the situation.

P: Yes it is of concern to quite a few of our readers. So tell us a bit more about the species in general.

S: Well the Great Dane is an intelligent, affectionate and gentle animal. Great Danes are often referred to as 'gentle giants' and make excellent family companions. Great Danes are people orientated, sensitive, intuitive and slow to anger. Great Danes do need training from a young age, as they grow into large dogs very quickly.

P: Wow that’s informative. Have you practiced that phrase before?

S: (laughing sheepishly to herself) No no. I’m just a little nervous that’s all.

P: Oh please. Just try to relax. Let’s just enjoy it. Here have another biscuit. OK so a bit more about the story at hand. What’s the latest news on this particular Great Dane?

S: Well we tried everything we can think of here in the mother city. We just couldn't manage to get the situation under control. We here at the SPCA like to believe that we can solve any problem. We are what is known as ‘out the box’ thinkers. Therefore we decided to recruit some help from a more experienced organization, being that of head office in the United States of America. They really do seem to know what they’re doing. Soon after their arrival they started making progress and they would appear to have the situation under control.

P: Wow that is impressive. So are you saying that the Great Dane has been caught and locked up again?

S: Well at this point we aren't certain.

P: What do you mean? Either you have the Dane or you don’t. Simple as that.

S: P it just isn't as easy as it sounds. No wall is too high for this animal.

P: OK. Whatever. It’s just a dog. Thanks again for meeting with me. Here’s another biscuit. Enjoy it. Chew before you swallow. There’s a good girl.

So that’s how the interview went. Not sure if we now know any more than we did before but the situation appears to be in the grasps of a foreign organization. More news on the situation to follow.

Warne to help Smith

Australian spin legend Shane Warne may be the secret weapon in South Africa's quest to defeat England.

Proteas captain Graeme Smith revealed he would be consulting Warne during the tour, which begins later this month, to see if he can provide any tips for beating England.

Smith told Afrikaans Sunday newspaper Sondag he had enjoyed playing alongside Warne in the recent Indian Premier League, adding he planned to phone Warne "to share a few ideas about England".

"I think I learnt most from him whenever we chatted about cricket in general," said Smith.
"He has a great cricketing brain and it was great for me to work with him and learn the way he thinks and works.

"There is no question he is a genius of the game and it was very interesting to hear how he plans to get a side to submit.

"It was also nice to see how he thinks about the game and he is a self-assured, positive captain.
"He can get the best out of players and we worked well together tactically.

"It will be nice to swap a few ideas with him when we are in England."

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Things you didn't Know about Murray King

The Man, the Enigma. Fans chant his name wherever he goes and the ladies slide off their seats. But we know a precious little about this man, what makes him tick? What are his hopes, his dreams? I have done a reconnaissance mission and compiled a list of facts about the Man. Here goes...
- He lost his spine in a oil rig accident off the coast of Namibia, he had it replaced with a titanium 9 iron shaft. Thus he has a stiff disposition.
- It is said that this is not the only thing on him that is made of steel.
- He has a fondness for 18th century poetry.
- He is the slowest Batsman ever to have played the fine game of cricket.
- He resides on a river front estate in Langa East.
- He cant turn left.
- He harbours a secret ambition to take part in Idols and practices daily in hope that one day he will realise his dream.
- He has been shot twice, in one sitting.
- He can bring a woman to orgasm using nothing but a fork and a balloon.
- He doesn't sleep
- He can go up to 6 days without food or water. This is a result of a childhood experience that occurred in the Namib Desert. He doesn't speak of it, it is just referred to as 'The Hurt'.

So kids, you are now more informed. Next time you strike up a conversation with the man, you will have something to talk about. Just don't mention the war...

Just Rewards

Apparently, P Diddy is pumping Cameron Diaz. I am completely fine with this. Cameron Diaz is an angel(no pun intended) and if she cant be with me(waiting list too long) then I am more than happy to let P Diddy have her. He pushes his vibe to the max, and I emplore that. So as a reward, he gets Cameron. I dont make the rules, I just play by them.
Dont hate the player, hate the game.

When you have some spare time...

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Photo analysis.

I'm no photo analyst but even the laymen can tell the difference between what's happening above. Take for example the highlighted bits. In the first picture it's quite obvious that the oke doesn't actually know where he is. The second picture, however, shows an oke who's well aware of his surroundings and would even appear to be quite happy with them.

As for game, set and match... Yes this is most certainly the case in picture 1. Picture 2 however... Well lets just say that the game would appear to have only just begun.

Out of the frying pan into the fire? Time will tell.

Fighting Fire With Fire

I was saving this for a special occasion. But due to the scathing attack made on me below by a rogue agent, I have been forced to show my hand. Prematurely maybe, only time will tell, but for now I feel this is Game, Set, Match.

Shhhhhhh, Sleep.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

This picture has nothing to do with anything. I just thought I'd share it with you.


This pic has nothing to do with the article, I just thought id share it with you.

Do any of you know what 6am looks like? Well you get the select few who are still winding down after a fruitful night on the town. You would usually find yourself at starlight Diner (see Foreigners article) or the beach to watch the sunrise. But this is not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the select few that are fortunate enough to wake up at this time. I, have become one of those few. Due to circumstances out of my control, I was told that my services would be needed at my office from 6:30am in the mornings. I refused point blank at first with a barrage of anti-corporation propaganda, but was given a sideways look by my boss and reminded that performance appraisals would be done next week and i was in a precarious position (see boozed at work article).

So, I was stuck between the proverbial rock and a hard place. Its not a nice feeling let me tell you. I grudgingly agreed. But, it would be on a best efforts basis, ie as close as possible. It was then that the bomb was dropped that i would also be forgoing my lunch hour in the time of crisis. I was floored by this shocking revelation due to not only the gravity of the situation, but the manner in which my boss cavalierly delivered the news. Now, I can appreciate that not everyone enjoys food as much as i do, but to render me unable to forage for myself in this stressful time is unthinkable, neigh inhumane.

This also rules out any further week night forays to Tiger, Oblivion, Tin Roof or even The Fat Cactus (except Monday :-) for the next little while which have been rather prolific of late by all accounts. I am ok with this though. The pace has been a trifle quick. It will be nice to settle down for the week, and as circumstances would allow it, I have a week to do that, and it being girlfriend weather, its rather nice!! That being said, when the DL tweaked me at 10 last night to go to Tiger, Id be lying if I said it didn't take Super Human Strength to keep me on the couch. Its a process. I'm learning again.

So as i sit here in this precarious predicament i find myself in, with seemingly no way out, I stare out of the window and the words of my friend and confidant ring true through my ears...Ons le by die berg...

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Be Nicer to Foreigners

With the recent spate of Xenophobic attacks, I think we should all start being nicer to the foreigners in this country. Being the upstanding member of society that I am, I gladly accepted the challenge of re-integrating the foreigners back into our Cape Town Vibe. We assembled a task team and jumped in. Thats where the details become a little sketchey. I have bits and pieces, Diner... nothing much tho, I just know that relations between the Cape Town locals and the foreigners have never been stronger. The strengthening ties operation was a success.

Let me just tell you that this was the weather that met us this morning when we arrived at Rondebosch Golf Club, some hanging, others not for the Presidents Cup Qualifying Competition. It was an absolute cracker of a day and a great time was had by all, even if the standard of golf was average to poor.