Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Winds are a changing...

Wow its been ages!! Im finally back from my conscription duties in Afganistan. Ihave seen and done things im not proud of, but thats all behind me now! And after my hard times on enemy soil I get back to website problems. It seems the 'Man' is trying to shut us down!! But, dont worry kids, ill get this mess straightened out! So just sit back, relax and let life happen. Its all downhill from here...

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Cyanide & Happiness...

The Wadda Enigma

There was a rather large upheaval this last Saturday at the Popular Nihtclub wadda. I am not of course referring to the Mass WWE style Brawl that broke out 2 saturdays back in which many of the Nadoes were involved. No, I am referring to the Phenomenon that is the the R5 drink Special. Most took advantage, some more than others.

It is at one person in particular I base this article upon. Sources close to him say that he has been somewhat unstoppable of late due to the fact that his GDA calendar has slowed down some what of late and as a result is hitting claremont with a renewed ferocity. Who is this Enigma do you ask? What makes him tick? Why does he sing into beer bottles and serenade random birds on the Dancefloor?

He was the epitomy of a drunken sailor on Saturday Night. He was in his element. UCT rugby mates, young horny birds to serenade, Bottle of whiskey behind the bar and customary dribble stains down the front of the shirt. One of his close mates, The Name, when interviewed had this to say:"We have tried to stop him singing into that bottle, but he pays us no mind! Its like watching a car crash, over and over and over... And he was in all his glory, bottle in one hand and randoms in the other. He even made it down onto one knee a few times and i might even have seen a chainsaw, but thats unconfirmed as i my mind was cloudy with thoughts of my Aussie miss.... so sally can wait, she knows its too late...." And the Name's voice talied off, as a 'far away' look came over his face, a look of reminiscence.

As of yet we do not have a name for this legendary Cape Town Character. we do however know for what is surely a mathematical certainty that he will be in full song again this weekend and will surely be making an appearance at his beloved Wadda. Kids see if you can snap a pic with him. Send them in and ill post them up. All posted pics win a date and a blaas from Jessica Alba. Girls, win an evening with me, niiiice.

Send ur pics to

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Americans Steal The Daly Cup

Last Sunday saw the 6th running of the Daly Cup. It was held at Mowbray in what can only be described as perfect golfing conditions. A powerful field assembled including Daly Cup New commers Fat Whitfield, Jamie Ross, Jason Elley and Nic McConnachie. The latter three will be in the American side for the upcoming Presidents cup and will be competing against The Internationals. In amongst the field were previous Champions Murray King and Jambles Charton as well as defending Champion and Daly Cup record Holder Dayne Allenbrook.

Allenbrook, King, Fat and Thompson were paired up in the first 4 ball and Dawson-Squibb, McConnachie, Elley and Ross in the 2nd. King got away to a flying start, taking the corse to pieces on the front side. Defending Champion Allenbrook fell to pieces from the word go. McConnachie and Dawson-Squibb were a shot back at the turn.

It was at the turn where King's challenge faded with a double on the par5 10th. Nic Mac held firm when all other challengers faltered. No-one could match the Croc's shot making abilty and steely resolve. He ended up winning by 5 shots, a new Daly Cup record.

And for the first time in 6 months, the Cup was wrestled away from a woeful Allenbrook in what can only be described as a pitiful defense of his title with his effort winning the wooden spoon.

Most Golf: JADH Charton 99 (net)
Lowest round (gross): D Allenbrook 75
Lowest round (net): D Allenbrook 68
Biggest winning margin: N McConnachie 5 shots

19/07/07 MJ King (Mowbray)
14/08/07 S Mortlock (Mowbray)
25/10/07 J Charton (Royal Cape)
18/12/07 D Allenbrook (Mowbray)
17/02/08 D Allenbrook (Mowbray)
10/08/08 N McConnachie (Mowbray)

The Gun Run

How good do you feel after you have just been for a run? A person definately has a sense of accomplishment. Albeit you are about to undo any good you have done by wrecking yourself on the rocks at tiger tiger, but thats another story altogether. I am referring to that warm feeling you get when you know you have pushed yourself. Ahhhh. It makes one happy.

It has also been noted that there are a few boys and girls around the greater Cape Town area that are looking a little worse for wear this winter as they have over indulged a little in their stock piling for the cold. Running training is a great way to shed this unwanted padding and to start getting the body summer ready.

With this in mind, The Gun Run is coming up on the 12th October. The Half Marathon will be contested over 21.4km of Cape Town's finest running surfaces. It is a rather flat half marathon by all accounts, thus some PB's(Personal Best's for all you non-running folk) could be shattered. I for one will be entering along with a few of Cape Town's biggest names. So, lets get a group as big as possible and make a vibe of it. Come on, you cant stay useless all your life.

Do it.

Monday, August 4, 2008

This is How I Roll...

Hello again. I know, I know, its really really bad. I have been very busy. I thought I'd just let you into my world. I bet you a million dollars you cant guess what I have just been doing? I have Just cooked a Grasshopper!! Yes. I know. My brother caught it and I cooked it. Mental five. And no before you ask, we didn't eat it. He needed to dissect it and was going to leave it in a jar until it died. So, being the nature enthusiast that I am, I did the humane thing and threw it into a pot of boiling water. Killing it instantly. Nice hey? Oh and I think it was a baby...

Saturday, July 26, 2008

I'm a Moose, Moose, Moose

I think I have a winner. It is a shot called the Moose. It is bestowed upon the unfortunate individual who loses the Moose Drinking Game. A bit lost? I know. I have a tendency to talk shit. The Moose is one of the many things the Name and I brought back with us from Barcelona. We learnt it from a couple of Englishmen. I'm sure you will come across it in the not to distant future, its infectious. And the loser has to have the moose shot. It consists of cane and wait for it........ Milk. Yes I didn't stutter, Milk. As seen below the losers often show bewilderment at the sight of this foul concoction.

Losers: Bewildered

Don't worry, it will get you.

Friday, July 25, 2008

Pushing It Sound

Some oke pushing it with regards to his sound system!  Seen recently outside "The Track" - home of the SK Walmers!

random 091

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Mustang Sally

Most of us have been in love and will know that it makes you do crazy things sometimes. It can change people. None more hectic than I have seen with mine own eyes. Before me in Barca stood a changed man. I was otherwise occupied with an Aussie and towards the end of the night came looking for a mate of mine on a club in the heart of the Barca Club district. I expected the man to be in his usual spot, on the side of the D-F with a bevvy of lovely ladies falling over each other to get his attention.

But to my absolute astonishment, he we nowhere to be found. Then a circle parted on the Dance floor. at first I didnt even look. Not him, not on the dancefloor, there was no punk playing. But then I did look up and I saw it. The crowd had parted and were watching in silence a young man down on one knee presenting a rose(which he wide eyedly begged me for cash to purchase. I had thought nothing of it because I thought the money was for beer) to another young Aussie lass. But thats not all kids. He was doing a Jambles-Like serenade move on her. He was singing along to the immortal words of Oasis: " Soooo Sally cant wait, she knows its too late and she's walking on by..."

That is an image I will take to my death Bed. Had I had my camera on me, I would have gladly snapped a pic, but alas I didnt, so you will have to take my word for it. I know, its a big ask, as my word isnt worth as much as the Zim dollar, but kids, I dont lie about love. This was the real-deal-holyfield-tickle-her-back-watch-her-sleep LOVE. Fantastic I think. What a transition, he was like a catterpillar into a butterfly.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Barcelona: What a lady, What a night

I have been thinking for a few days how I was going to write this article. It would be impossible to explain exactly what we experienced on our trip. I know I wont do it justice, but I have to try.

I joined The Name in London and right from the get go, the party started. Our Barca leg would be sanwiched by two 4-day stints in the capital. We were put up in top accomodation by the London Branch and many thanks must go to them. To say we ran riot would be an understatement. The clubs we went to were absolutely insane. The booze was pricey, the ladies even more so, but the boys did well regardless. Sheer class it must be said. There were incidents involving a Brazillian, a few Londoners and an Aussie, no names will be mentioned because we are gentlemen and The Banker even Managed to bag a Saffa! There was of course a slaying session at the Leicester Square Walkies ("This is like shooting fish in a Barrel" - The Name). The Deax even came out to play as did Jan & Sooz. The piece-de-la-resistance was the Goo Goo Dolls in Hyde Park. Oh my God that they were awesome.

Then Barca came. It was heaven. There was a club below the hostel and a bar in it, that sold 2 x 1L Heineken draughts for 3euro during happy hour (6-7:30). A recipe for a great evening. The entire hostel pours out into the common room and plays various drinking games(kings, what-the-fuck, moose, indian war signs were among the favorites) in the evenings and gets completely wasted. Then down to the Offie (the bottle store), some Vodka, and more boozing. Then off (if you can still walk) to the club strip in Port Olympia where there are +- 15 clubs in a row that you make your way in and out of the entire night sampling the foreign 'beverages' at will. We also went to a few super clubs that were rather pushing it and that had a girl:guy ratio of 3:1. I can hear the Guru licking his lips.
A couple of saffas and an aussie
The place was bursting with Aussies. We befriended thousands and partied with tem very hard over the week. they brought a fantastic element to our games of kings and it was thoroughly enjoyable. A pair of Aussie lasses stood out though, and we spent most of our time with them. The others we met were with us for varying periods of time, but these two were there the entire time we were. They had top banter and the convesations we had were lively and jovial, oh and boyfriends that were soon forgotten...

Aussies Birds: Mates

Others who we encoutered included a myriad of crazy poms, who donned a boombox around the streets of Barca and came across a loudhailer and brought it back to the hostel. This entertained me greatly and I unfortunately got carried away with the thing much to the dismay of the rest of the entire hostel.

The unforgettable group of kiwis who pushed it all night in the clubs then came homa and set off the fire extinguisher in our corridoor. Again I got caught up in the mob mentality and exzaccerbated the problem. I did however feel a bit bad when I woke up the next morning and there was a team of cleaners sorting it out.

To do each story justice is almost impossible. especially in writing. All I can say is that if you ever get a chance, grab it with both hands. The people we met we will stay friends with forever and the experiences we had we will never forget.

Adios Barcelona, till next time.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I know its really, really bad.

Well, all i can say is that, i never want to leave. never. This place is the most hecticplace in the world by miles. I can just hope that all of you kids can one day experience this. Oh my shattered nerves. its too much. Enjoy the day. I will.

Monday, July 14, 2008

Markets crash.

Wadda stocks have reached an all time low plummeting to a measly 26c a share from 342c as recent as May. One might think that the reason for this is the fact that Smithy and the boys are in England. (putting on a fine display, I might add, with a first innings deficit of 346 runs. Good work.)

This is not the case.

While a smart trader would've traded in the negative movement of these shares knowing Smithy was leaving the country, I don't think he could've predicted they would drop this much. One might even think there is some dirty work going on in the markets. A recent investigation, however, shows that this isn't the case. It also shows that if you have any spare money lying around, now would be a good time to invest in Wadda stocks.

A casual conversation with the owner of Wadda suggests that the reason for the drastic fall was caused by frequent flyers being abroad. It also suggests that the flyers concerned don't, in fact, play cricket for South Africa. I asked who these people could possibly be and was shocked to learn that it wasn't so much people as it was person. I was sworn to secrecy and cannot reveal who this person is but assure you he will be back soon and Wadda will survive.

In other news the Great Dane is making his way over to Pamplona to chase the bulls, we all know he won't be running from them. Bulls aren't all he's after either. Being a dog it's only nature that if he sees a cat, he'll chase it. Although over there they're not referred to as cats, the locals call them pussy cats. So there's the Great Dane, chasing a puss (in boots).

Great Dane in the back chasing....
Well we don't really know which one he's chasing.
Everyone seems to be running from him, though.

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

KFC, Nandoes to the rescue.

Not even I could make this shit up...

Bloemfontein - The leadership of the African National Congress's Women's League had to intervene urgently after about 40 conference delegates were admitted to hospital for diarrhoea, among other things.

The four-day conference ended in Bloemfontein on Sunday. It was held on the Vista campus of the University of the Free State (UFS). The Free State Department of Health rendered medical assistance to conference delegates who complained of diarrhoea, dehydration and nausea.

ANC Women's League spokesperson Lindiwe Maseko said at a news conference that other cases requiring medical attention were people with diabetes who had not brought their medicine with them. Maseko gave the assurance that these cases were brought "under control".
"The services of the caterers were terminated. After that, we ordered food from outlets like KFC and Nando's." The caterers had served conference delegates two meals a day.

Maseko said it was important that conference delegates got fresh food and liquids. The golf carts in which delegates were transported around on campus also caused some drama when untrained cart drivers caused a few delegates to fall off the carts. A delegate apparently also was knocked over by one of the golf carts.

A Bloemfontein businessperson was given the contract to offer this service to conference delegates. In terms of the contract, there was one condition: it had to provide work for unemployed people.

Apparently ANC-appointed drivers were contracted to do the driving, but it was the first time they had ever driven the carts. Following complaints, the organisers decided the conference security guards should drive the carts and sacked the unemployed drivers.

The Free State cold was too unpleasant and the guards decided to go on strike on Friday evening. Members of the businessperson's family and two reliable workers had to take over driving duties. Consequently, fewer routes were serviced. According to the league, the onus rested on the service provider to ensure that the drivers of the golf carts were able to do the job, even if they were appointed by the Women's League.


Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Is this genuine?

Some highly sought after video footage that gives us some insight into the the Great Daynes mental state right now.


P.S. sound is optional

Exam Technique


While I was on my way to obtaining a couple of letters behind my name at the great University of Cape Town one of the funnier things that happened on the ride was when one of my good friends (no names mentioned but it probably wouldn't matter because "he's changed"... twice in fact!) came out of an Economics test claiming that he had got 2 percent.  I thought that was one way of saying the test was hard but took very little notice of the number as the man was both notorious for being an 'exaggerator' as well as always underestimating his marks (like all girls are taught to do).

Well just over two weeks later when the marks came out those of you who quickly scan everyone's marks to look for extreme temperatures would have found what can only be described as the South Pole of marks.... 2%!  allday001 ----- 2%....  Wholly Moses, how the fuck did this chap do it?!  Well it seems as if my friend was right... he had achieved the almost perfect fuck up....

Well it seems as if exam technique may have been something that allday001 should have invested in....  We all know that it can mean the difference between 49% and 50% or in this case 2% and 7.5%.  That is after you have heard that an English kid (thinking Council House Adolescent Vermon personally), when asked to describe the room that he was in, wrote "Fuck Off".  Baking?  I am hoping he was desperately out of time and it was the last question as he wasn't exactly endearing himself to the marker.  But the question remains, how the FUCK did he get 7.5%?


Wait for it.....

"accurate spelling" and "effective communication"...... STOP IT....


The 'effective communication' comment is only going to degenerate peoples tube ride experiences further when CHAV's use that term with their hoody clad heads held up high.

Two words my friends....... Exam Technique



Not so sure about this nick name that Peter Div has been given, but hey...  Was trawling news24 last night when I came across one of his great quotes in an article titled "Div ready to fight for Butch", where the great man was talking about keeping Butch James involved in SA rugby:  


We will lean over backwards to get him back."

I'm sorry what was that?  Some, including the ANC Youth League president, might say that I have 'quoted them out of context'.... I'm secretly hoping that it is because he learned to speak English from the Spanish who live in the Cape.


Butch, you so important to SA rugby that our national coach is going to strain his back (not break as that would involve being bent over in some manor) to keep you here.  Hope he doesn't lean too far and spill his coffee!

No really, I do love you Div.....


Thanks Seth.....

Only the Dutch...

The no-smoking advertisements are everywhere, as Holland gears up to create the smoke-free environment it says all workers are entitled to. Under the new rules, smoking tobacco is out. But the ban doesn't extend to marijuana, also called cannabis, which under existing soft drug legislation, is still tolerated if not entirely legal.

Tourists purchase their cannabis at the Bulldog coffee shop - one of the country's first built in an old police station in the heart of the city. Most Europeans smoke their marijuana in cigarettes rolled with tobacco. And that's where the confusion comes in. Long-time smoker Rob says he'll never smoke the pure marijuana joints that will now be the only ones still allowed.

"I don't know, smoke at home, I think. Just buy it and go home, smoke," he said.

Coffee shop owners are also confused. Although they say they will try and stop people from smoking joints that are mixed with marijuana and tobacco, it's often hard to police people as they're rolling. They say they will direct them outside, where smoking's still allowed.

For those who remain inside at the Bulldog, there will be other smoking options - tobacco substitutes on the counters, segregated smoking cabins, water pipes and vaporizers.
Fritz, who's been selling soft drugs at the Bulldog for a decade, says he doesn't think the new rules will hurt business. And they could even have some unforeseen benefits.

"I think it will be good because I smoke a lot but when it's forbidden, I have to go outside. But not possible because I must be in when I'm working. So, it's good for my health," he said.
Many smaller coffee shops, though, are worried they'll be put out of business. They can't afford to create a separate smoking space for tobacco diehards, as the law requires.

Helga, who owns the neighborhood smoke shop Yoyo, says she'll weather the storm, and will maybe even take this opportunity to convert her coffee shop into a community center. But a recent brush with police over kids using her shop's bathroom means she's taking the law seriously.

"They said one thing more you're closed forever, because they'd like to close all coffee shops. We're the most friendly one, the only coffee shop, it's another atmosphere. But they do it because they want less coffee shops. ... So I will follow the rules," she said.
For the owners who don't, fines start at about $475 for a first offense and work their way up to $3,800 for continuing breaches of the law.

But even the 200 inspectors charged with enforcing the new law say it's a bit unclear. With some 60,000 establishments to police, of which about 700 are coffee shops, they say they'll wait and see what happens at the smoke shops before levying fines. Which means for now at least, the traditional Dutch coffee shops will remain firmly rooted in another time-honored Dutch tradition, the legal grey area.

story courtesy of VOA News

Monday, June 30, 2008

How to make the Perfect Sandwich

Something I am passionate about is eating. Now, a favourite of mine is the Sandwich. It is said to have been created by the Earl of Sandwich in the early 1400's when he asked his cook to place some meat in between two pieces of bread and voila, the Sandwich was born. Ill take you step by step through the process to ensure you understand fully.


The Bread: Two pieces of the finest white bread with golden brown crust is best.
The Meat: Skewered seal pup meat will be used here, i'm assured its good eating, but im not yet a believer. Also make sure to watch out for the steel skewer in the meat
The Spice: To give the siff meat some vibe, otherwise it is dull and lifeless.


Now, you will have to marinade the meat in spice for as long as possible. Possibly forever. Then throw some spice on the bread so that the bread feels the vibe to. Then you place the meat in between the pieces of bread, and put some more spice on top to garnish and keep things interesting. Below you have the finished product. Bon Apetit

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Story telling.

What makes a good story?

What separates the good from the mediocre?

Could it be that the story teller has the freedom to say whatever he or she pleases. Whether to base the story on fact or fiction. Here on the playroom this gets abused.

Who the story is about is also key. When the author writes about other people it makes for better reading if it's based on fiction. If, however, the author decides to write about himself he uses fiction only to sugar coat the story, otherwise it's driven by fact.

Another very powerful tool is omission. It would be silly to write an embarrassing story about yourself and omission is therefor a very necessary tool. It becomes useless, though, if what you're leaving out is known by others. Hence this article...

What Jake failed to mention in his article titled 'post match' is the reason he was removed from his weekend home. In fact he sidestepped it altogether. I know you're all wondering why he got asked to leave, not for the first time I might add. Well kids it's quite simple. In fact I think he put it at no.1 on his 'how to get kicked out a nightclub' list.

I found this list and present you a snippet that features entries from other well known players:

How to get kicked out a nightclub by the greatness:

3. Score the DJ's girlfriend right in front on the DJ booth. (the name)
2. Sneak up behind the bouncer and pop a balloon right in his face. (spin jizzard)
1. Take off your jeans (and boxers) and flash everyone on the dance floor, then play with it as the bouncer approaches. (the great himself)

I mentioned earlier something about the author's ability to use fiction as and when he pleases. I wish I could say I've used this tool today but I'm afraid to say folks, I haven't.

Let this be a lesson to you kids out there. This behavior isn't cool. It's embarrassing. Grow up.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Post Match

This was the scene that awaited me when I finaly arrived at home this morning. Kids got festive. I think people over indulged a little. Things definately were not hekped by the peoples bare tender, ohh-ahh van Breda who was issuing drinks left right and centre. Thnak you, but it was naughty.

It kicked off something terrible. Cape Towns Biggest Boozer was in fine form as usual. My Wadda night was rather abruptly and rather unjustifibly ended by Maurice (or some other Xenophia-esque jimmy), from there were slid on over to tiger, where i might have seen Satan, but cant be sure. Actually, I cant be sure of much. All I have is pieces. Little bits from here and there. Not much, just a few, some good, some not so. We then made the move to Starlight Diner (see xenophobia article) where we were unfortunately met by an absolute prick of a human in the form of a famous rugby players brother. Let's call this oxygen theif Skinny Bob. Im not going to go into it, but I dont get stressed to quickly and generally keep my temper under control. But this muppet pushed my patience to the limits. Anyway, despite this, we managed to enjoy our chips and Farmgirl tomato sauce. Very Budget. What an evening, and a thank you to all involved.

Friday, June 27, 2008

The Perfect Pre-Match and its Players

I look forward with optimism into this weekend. Its starting with pre-match, as it so often does. I am fine with that. In fact its to my liking. Mates coming together to enjoy themselves. Nothing wrong. A corner stone of society so to say, a pastime of sorts.

The Perfect Pre-Match

Like anything in life you have to start with your goals in mind. Thus all the planning must lead you on a series of steps to ultimately reaching your goals. And here kids our goal, lets be honest, is to come right. Or if you are Keric, be the most boozed oke there. The goal itself is immaterial, it is the planning for reaching said goal that is of the utmost importance, and this is set up all too aften by the PreMatch, or PM as it will now be referred to.

The perfect PM can take many different forms, my personal favourite, involves a bottle of cane, a pack of cards and a few mates, birds optional(at this point in the evening). A point I cant stress enough, is that it CANNOT be a rushed affair. I have seen far too many inexperienced school-boy-like campaigners make this fatal mistake. As a rule of thumb, 4 hours minimum. I can sense a few of you raising your eyes, but, its a proven fact. Slow release boozing, much like slow release energy, is the best way to go. It allows the body time to adjust to its altered state of awareness.

An important element to the night is "The CEO" He is the one who oversees the evening and makes sure everyone is on a similar level of boozedness. This is however not a trditional seat of power like the fines chair or anything like that, it is unknown to the other competitors. It is a thnkless task that a few perform to ensure a good night. A CEO has many tools at his disposal to 'hurry competitors along, or 'slow' them down a bit. The drinking games are a perfect example of this, shots have the desitred effect on hurring those slow competitors up a bit, the more competent the CEO, the better his Arsenal.

Problems come in when the CEO loses control himself, this could end in disaster for the crowd and ultimately result in a failed PM. Thus a CEO must keep his composure at all times.

Once out on the town, the CEO leaves his kids to their own devices, much like a mother bird letting its chicks fly away for the first time. He feels that warm sense of pride when they spade drunk bitches. Its good. He has succeeded. He then enjoys himself out. He has earned it.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The best ad war in recent memory...

1. BMW started this advertisement.
2. Audi replied.
3. Subaru needed to say something.
4. Bentley Chairman had the 'last word'.

Brilliant. Top Chat

Monday, June 23, 2008

Barca Count Down: 11 days

The Gloves are Off

In lieu of recent events and articles, the gloves have been well and truly taken off and battle lines have been drawn. There is a certain amount of collusion going on in the playroom ranks and this has been noted. Ok, Ladies and Gentlemen, this might get ugly, Kids avert your eyes.

Playroom Playmates Top Table

Of course......

Mentioned this game a month or so ago and urged you guys to join.  Well maybe you shouldn't have seeing as though you would have got cleaned up by the Playroom Playmates.  Mark 'gives it that Italiano feel' Riva, manager of Riviera is learning the hard way.  He is however within touching distance of the clear leader (1 point can be the difference between passing your drivers licence or not) who is managed by one of the market leaders in online sports management/tipping games.

This picture came out worse than my brothers ipod when it went for a swim in the washing machine, but I think you can just make out what's happening.Blackout Rugby 

It's going to be a tight finish to this pool but one feels that it could all boil down to one very important game, when the Playroom Playmates take on Riviera at Camelot (home of the playmates).  In their first encounter earlier in the year Riviera made full use of their home ground advantage to edge out the Playmates 34-27.

GET INVOLVED KIDS....  Season 3 starts pretty soon, but the sooner you start the better! 

Throw stones...

If you live in a glass house sooner or later someone is going to throw stones at you so why not beat them to it? Better yet give your stones to someone who doesn't live in a glass house and let him throw them for you!

Tiny broken pieces of stone don't count. They don't grow.

After receiving a tiny broken piece of stone the other day I did a bit of investigating....

I followed the smoke to a place in Claremont and met up with the man himself. It wasn't easy understanding him as he'd been boozing the whole day so at first I thought he was ignoring my questions and just singing along to the music. After a while though I realized that the song he was singing was different to the one playing. I thought this was rather strange so I listened a little closer and noted a few keywords in the song. After a little search on Google I learned that the song is a classic by Elton John. It goes like this:

Hey Nikita is it cold

In your little corner of the world
You could roll around the globe
And never find a warmer soul to know

Oh I saw you by the wall

Ten of your tin soldiers in a row
With eyes that looked like ice on fire
The human heart a captive in the snow

Oh Nikita You will never know anything about my home

I'll never know how good it feels to hold you
Nikita I need you so
Oh Nikita is the other side of any given line in time
Counting ten tin soldiers in a row
Oh no, Nikita you'll never know

Do you ever dream of me

Do you ever see the letters that I write
When you look up through the wire
Nikita do you count the stars at night

And if there comes a time

Guns and gates no longer hold you in
And if you're free to make a choice
Just look towards the west and find a friend

Obviously he didn't know all the lyrics so he was just singing the same lines over and over with his eyes closed and head tilted back... "I'll never know how good it feels to hold you... Nikita I need you so".

There must be a reason for this strange behavior so if you have any information on this mysterious incident don't hesitate to write to the playroom. If you decide that the 'glass house' you live in is worth too much to put at risk, don't hesitate to pass on those precious 'stones'...


Sunday, June 22, 2008

Beavers eat their Young

Beavers: Dangerous, they attack the young.

Section 16(b) iii of the constitution of The Republic of South Africa clearly states the age for a minor to be legally 'interfered' with is 16. Now this would not normally pose a problem for people my age. But, alas, a recently single member of the Cape Town scene seeked clarification on this issue over the weekend. This Article is from the Sunday Argus:

It was alledged that an unnamed man met and made friends with a rather young Gr11 pupil at the popular night club WADDA in Claremont on Saturday Night. Partygoers looked on in amazement when this still unidentified man proceeded to attack this young girl, who could have been his daughter, or at best a younger sister. It is not clear at this stahge what prompted the attack, but our reporters will get to the bottom of the story. If you have any information pertaining tho this event or you know the perportrator please call PASYG (People Against Slaying Young Girls) 0800-455-4545

Applying the innocent bystander test a reasonable person would be led to believe that if she was in the club, she was 18. At least that should be his argument in court, but at WADDA we all know better dont we. Shame on you man, its like fishing with dynamite. Be careful kids, it's a Jungle out there.

My New Girlfriend

Hi, I would like you to meet her. Gregg, leave her alone.

Dont throw Stones...

Sayings. Used to convey a point in a funny nature. Awesome when one fits into the situation, and you can bust it out. Like this one, Dont throw stones if you live in a glass house. People go hard at others, i'm fine with that. In fact, I encourage it. But, if you cant take the heat get out of the kitchen, another one, T-R-E-medous, so, you must be able to take it if you dish it out. Thats all. Im just puttng it out there. Use it dont use it. In the words of Brick Top in Snatch "You wont think its so funny when you are putting out the flames on your childrens' backs". Hard hitting stuff.
Im off for some sushi...

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Refer to Post Below......

Lets just say that based on some stories I heard at Rondebosch Bishops this morning I think some people will be a little more worried about kids with high school girls than others.  I won't mention any names, but the standard 1 term that was often used, "He who smelt it, dealt it" comes to mind....

Also heard this guy described as quote unquote, "prolific".....

P.S.  The facts of this story have not been confirmed.

P.P.S.  Except of course the part about "prolific"


Friday, June 20, 2008

Your Worst Nightmare...

Officials in the US state of Massachusetts are investigating how 17 teenage girls from the same school have become pregnant.

The number is four times as high as the year before at Gloucester High School.
There are reports that some of the girls - none of whom is older than 16 - entered into a pact to have their babies together.

The girls or their families have so far made no comment. Officials are also investigating the age of the fathers. Some are believed to be in their twenties and could face the possibility of being charged with having sex with minors.


When students at Gloucester High School broke up for the summer, officials, parents and the whole community had to face up to a shocking statistic.

Seventeen teenage pupils had walked out of the school gates pregnant.
More disturbing is that some of the schools own staff believe that this was no accident.
Local officials say that nearly half of the girls had entered into a bizarre pact to have their babies together.

The school principle says that several students returned multiple times to take pregnancy tests and some appeared upset when they found out they were not pregnant.
The school - which has 1,200 students - carried out 150 pregnancy tests in the past year alone.

Jesus Wept, makes you think. You could walk into that moving truck!! Jimmy heard the combine Harvester, Jonny saw the combine harvester, and Jamie didn't know what the F#ck hit him!!


Thursday, June 19, 2008

HARSH!!!!!!!!! But Fair.......

You know the hand signals by now.....


Not just the picture but the whole post.....  Jeepers Dayne (is that what we call you these days?) you've changed!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Whats the worst that could Happen???

Ill tell you. What is the worst thing you could do in your job to risk getting fired? Ok, there are maybe a few worse, Banging your bosses wife and declaring your undying devotion to apartheid would probably be a little worse, but this is up there.

You have all come across those motivational posters that are doing the rounds via email. Well, if you havent here is a little taster:

And they get progressively worse. Well, instead of sending a hearty batch of these to my mailing list, I made the unfortunate mistake of sending them to my entire client and trustee lists. The look on my face when I found out...probably priceless. But as you can imagine, I didnt see the funny side. I still dont really. I could be fired and just not know it yet. So, this could be my last post as a gainfully employed individual. What made it worse was that a few clients replied with angry mails. So, I as I lie here in wait I think of you knee deep in tofu (Bio-Dome)(The Movie?)(Bud and Doyle)(Still Nothing?)(Fu#K You then).

I blame this whole episode wholly on boozing. It might have been a sneaky Thur Night at Tiger that put me in such a forgetful mood. But thats another story. Some just never learn. Some do.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Seal Clubbing

Seal Clubbers are probably the most ruthless of people ever to have walked the earth. There is one Seal Clubber in particular who has been patrolling the Cape Town shores clubbing at will. He is known as the Seal Clubbing King. What makes the King so dangerous is that instead of using a cumbersome wooden club, he uses a state of the art Titanium clubbing pole that is much lighter and deadlier. So big is his love for seal clubbing, that he had the club surgically inserted into his spine, so that he may remove it and attack at a moments notice. He is a wiley foe and usually operates around the Oblivion and Tin Roof Shores and has even been known to venture up as far north as Tiger Tiger Bay. He has taken many scalps over the years such as:

He was last seen at Tin Roof Cove attempting to take on this Whale (below), a dangerous task for even the most experienced of Seal Clubbers. It looks as if he has attempted the impossible and he hasn't been heard from since. It is not known whether he survived, or perished in his quest. He is now in hiding, or dead and that will be the end Of the Great Seal Clubbing King. Now his ghost wheels the Barrow through streets broad and Narrow...

Friday, June 13, 2008