Thursday, March 12, 2009

Common Spectacular Round Up

Blustery conditions met the competitors yesterday evening when they assembled at the start line of the Rondebosch Common Spectacular. There was an air of tension amid the competitors prior to the start, each sizing up the other readying themselves to do battle on the 5km course ahead. A 100 strong field took to the start line and the gun went off and it was on!!

Chukka Charts strode out to the front with Kenyan like simplicity and looked as if he was in a defiant mood. He was followed closely by the bunch who kept him in their sights. He led at the 1km mark posting a 3:50 first km. It was then he turned down the hospital mile and powered through the biting gale with Great Dayne tucked in just behind and Elley, Donkey and Beef Jordaan grouped in a couple of lengths back. It was clear that the wind and the brisk start was beginning to take its toll on the Irish folk singer and he began to tire towards the end of Hospital Mile. Great Dayne took over the front running momentarily around the 2km mark, but Elley made a decisive move just after the 2km marker, the years and injuries seeming to melt away with every step. He opened up a 20s lead at the half way mark going through at 9:42.

Travelling support in the form of the Scotsman arrived, despatching drinks to the competitors and offering wise words of encouragement as a few of the competitors started to tire. Elley had kept his lead along the Rustenburg side and hit hospital mile for the last time with his 20s lead still intact and looking in fine form to take the Common Spectacular (as it was renamed) for the second time in a row. Chasing him were the Great Dayne, a few lengths further back were Beefy and Chukka who had now fallen well off the pace with that uncharacteristic schoolboy error in the first km, with Donkey a few paces further back.

But road running is a funny old sport, just when Elley looked to have it all but sewn up, he began to show signs of fatigue, as Hospital Mile began to take its toll. This left the door open for Allenbrook who was now gaining ground on Elley with the help of his Ethiopian pacemaker, Elias.
By the time they rounded the corner and headed into the final straight, Elley and Allenbrook were neck and neck. It would all be down to the last 300m with the Scotsman providing a full running commentary from the safety of his bike. Allenbrook was the first to break 250m out, he strode out hoping Elley would lose touch, but this was to no avail as Elley remained in tow and the move was squashed. Elley then made the decisive break 150m from home and it was one that was not followed by a shattered Allenbrook. He sprinted away to claim his second victory in a row in a winning time of 20:02, beating Allenbrook into 2nd by 10s.

The Results were as follows:
1) Jason Elley 20:02
2) Dayne Allenbrook 20:12
3) Michael Charton 21:30
4) Bernaard Jordaan 21:35
5) Graham Barrett 22:30

It must be mentioned that Neil Quayle was nowhere to be seen. After all the media hype and big talking, the veteran of 26 comrades marathons and 32 2oceans Marathons was a notable absence in the strong field. In his press conference he gave a Shabir Shaik'esque performance and revealed that his health had deteriorated to such an extent that he was unable to get any revolutions on the ball in the nets. "I cant even get Gio Colussi out" were his words. He even went on to hint that it was affecting his performance in the bedroom, but these rumours are as of yet unconfirmed.
All the competitors were irate at the fact that Quayle had pulled out and many were calling for a life ban calling his behaviour "disgraceful" and "uncouth". The Nadoes Running Association have the matter under review and a decision is expected later in the week. Tom Dawson-Squibb was also not in attendance which was a pity because many were looking forward to the battle between him and Barrett. The recently engaged, stick like father of 2 was unavailable for comment on his non-arrival.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Perfect Market Conditions (PMC)

It was a hectique weekend for all concerned. The stormers were crap, SA Cricket was even worse, and I'm sun burnt. Well not too badly actually, just a bit rosy around the cheeks, but its slightly uncomfortable, but more about that later.

I'm feeling a little bleak this morning. Nothing I can put my finger on, just a general feeling of uneasiness. You know, that minge feeling you have when you are LC'ing about not studying for a test or you have to face your mates after scoring a fat bird. Don't get me wrong, I don't reeeeaaaly have anything serious to complain about, ill prob just file this under a Monday morning moan(alliteration, nice).

I rarely get very bleak at work to spite what most may think. Its really not that bad. But something that tweaks me to no end is office politics. Its painful. Often you want to tell a brain dead co-worker/boss to F@#k off and get laid, but alas, that would get you fired. Its unfair really, can you imagine how cool the office environment would be if you were free to say what you pleased? Ill call this unlikely phenomenon Perfect Market Conditions or PMC as it will come to be known. It would be a wildly entertaining place! Imagine, the following scenario:

Boss: "Chuck have you finished that report I asked you to do, you know, the one for the important client I left on your desk at 5pm on Friday?"

Current Reply:
Chuck"No Sir, I was busy finishing my clients performance stats, ill get it done right away for you."

Reply under Perfect Market Conditions (PMC)
Chuck:"Well, I left early on Friday so I could get 18 holes of golf in before I got smashed and had a threesome with your wife and a Russian stripper. So that's a resounding NO to your query you irritating man. PS Tell your wife I need my handcuffs back."

Can you imagine? Wow it would make work a massive vibe!! pleasant...

Anubis Safety

Thursday, March 5, 2009

F@#K You im an Anteater

This had me in stiches...

Elley Fighting Fit

Jason Elley recorded his first win of the 2009 running season with a well timed burst 100m from home to clinch the season opening leg of the Common Cup in difficult conditions in Rondebosch Yesterday.

Elley flew past a tiring Allenbrook who had led for the entire race to a winning time of 20:12, 12s ahead of his rival. THere had been reports circulating about the mental stability of Elley and some questions asked about his fitness.

But the veteran showed no signs of the injury that kept him out for most of last year and put in a solid performance. "It wasn't a sub 20min run, but in the conditions I was happy with it. Its nice to get back out there, to mix it up again. I am very happy with my training and am confident I will be able to go Under 90 min in the Oceans." a visibly jubilant Elley remarked.

There were a few who were notable by their absence, Quayle, Dawson-Squibb, Barrett, Charton and van den Berg were a few that were missing.

The bar has been set. Elley has blown the field away and left the competitors eating their words. He later had this to say at his Press conference from forries: "Quayle is a has been. Ill run him off his feet. Im looking to thrash him next week in the time trial. I dare you to come beat me on my turf."


Singapore Harbour

This is a photo of Singapore Harbour. All the ships are lying unused because there is no use for them in the current financial situation. Sucks to be you...

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Elley Past It?

It has been rumoured that once-fit Cape Town runner Jason Elley is thinking of competing in the 2Oceans Half Marathon this year. It is reported that he is in a general state of dissarray ath the moment, this being compounded by his resounding loss in the Cojones Squash Match last Night in Rondebosch.

Many of the fans are calling for him to retire from the sport of professional road running, stating that he is past it and a sub 90 time is well out of his reach. He underwent surgery on a troubled foot late last year but all reports suggest that he had a satisfactory recovery and that this should not interfere in any way with his ability to run.

Some of his rivals were interviewed and were unanimous in their views of the fallen runner. "He has no chance of beating me, I'll leave him in my dust." said Neil Quayle, while Barratt had this to say, "Jason Elley is a JOKE! He is past it. Dont irritate me with questions about that fool."

So, now the only question remains is, Will Jason Elley silence his critics and attempt to regain some pride? Or will he sulk away from the challenge and remain lost to the running world.