Ice Skating (Un)Spectacular

Wondering where it all went wrong

Ice Skating. I mean seriously? Are we doing it? Ok, lets pretend we are 10. Lets go for a 'fun' time at the ice rink. I decided to join my colleagues in a trip to the Grand West Ice rink the other day. The last time i was there, was when i was about 12 years old for a mate's party. I seem to remember myself enjoying it. It will be pretty decent right? Wrong. Its not cool. I nervously handed over my size 12 shoe to the stoner on the other side of the rental counter. "What size?" was his utterance. Well, you could just look down into your hand you muppet and read the size 12 written in 99 font that is staring at you, but ill help you anyway. "12" was my reply. "Coool" was what I got back. Is it hey? Cool? Whats cool? Not your shirt, not your job?

So, I made my way to the rink, skates in tow. I sat down and suited up, a bit apprehensive about leaving my remaining shoe lying around these shady creatures lurking in the corners. I stepped out onto the ice, a little shaky at first, and made a few glides. What met me out there was utterly disappointing. There were 10,000 people skidding around in circles on a rink that is very small and resembles a frozen swimming pool. The average age was about 10 (as I eluded to earlier). No hot ladies, nothing whatsoever to look at. Stellenbosch was another issue altogether, but that's a story for another day. The only other people present at this debacle were Bellville and Pinelands trash. They were of course the 'locals' (can you imagine being a local at an ice rink, what a pick up line) and flew around the show trying to make you look like a toss. I resisted the urge on many occasions to let an elbow fly and knock the prats out cold.

In the height of my despair I trundled off accompanied by The Curls, who was in an equal state of utter disinterest, only managing a measly 40 minutes on the ice, into the Casino. This was where our night took an upwards turn. Went straight to the roulette wheel and after a good few hours of a bit of 'Nought and the Neighbours' we walked out with much heavier pockets. A good night was to ensue...